My Story

  Hello there,

     This is my first time dedicating myself to a blog. This blog to me is a sense to get closure from a heartbreaking situation I've just been through. More details are to come in the next post, this is just the introductory that I wanted to get out of the way. A few things about me: I'm 19 years old, I plan on going to art school for photography, I'm a chick, a lesbian, punk is my favorite music but I listen to a lot of everything, and I'm crazy. Not in the "Woooo look at me do crazy shit, I'm fucking crazy!!!" way but in the "My brain doesn't work right" way. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ODD in the past but I'm not entirely sure what diagnoses still apply.

    The reason why I want to become a photographer is to help other people. That might not make sense to some of you, but bear with me here. Like I said in the previous paragraph, I have been diagnosed with those mental problems before. My problems never went away with medication or intensive therapy. My brain is too complicated to explain to someone else completely so I've learned how to deal. The only thing that really seemed to help me, besides the support of my family and friends, is my photography. I learned that I could set up some type of shoot that mimics the emotions that were going through my head. When I was struggling with self-mutilation and trying to stop, I took pictures of bloody razorblades and tools rather than seeing the bloody razor blade in real life. It might sound a bit mental, but it helped me a lot.
   
  Then there was also the therapeutic aspect of going out to take pictures. Earlier on, I was very interested in landscape photography. Mostly in wooded areas. I used to go out to the woods near my house and spend hours going around and taking pictures of the water flowing down the stream or remains of the gun-powder factory that exploded years and years ago. When I was going through a hard time, I'd go shooting until sunset and come back with a clear mind and great pictures. It gave me a healthy escape and it gave me a sense of self-worth, two things that I had never had prior to picking up a camera.
   
   It was shorty after using this coping skill that I realized something, I had potential to do something great with photography. My dream has always been to at least help one person who is going through a rough time in their life and maybe even momentarily can see one of my pictures and read a small portion of my story and feel like they're not alone. I know that I have the skills and the tools to do it so here I am. 

   This blog is going to be about a specific subject, one that many of you can relate to. A recent heartbreak, but not your run of the mill heartbreak. For the next however long, I will be sharing with you pictures of special areas that me and this girl have been to and stories. Even though I've lost her, I never want to lose the memories. Maybe if one of you is struggling with a recent heartbreak, or even a recent loss, maybe this blog will be able to help you.

 Just as a warning, there will be a variation of emotions witnessed in this blog. Explicit language will definitely be used and some content may make viewers out there blush. You have been forewarned. Feel free to post feedback, comments, your stories, anything.

  I honestly don't know where this blog is going to lead me, if this blog only has 5 followers, that's okay with me. At least I know that 5 people thought that what I'm doing is legit.

  See you next post, the next post will give you background information to this crazy, random happenstance.

         - Jess