And these scars remind me that the past is real...

  I came back into the house and sat down with Liz.

  "How did that go?" She asked.

   "Well, she told me she had a crush on me... And I didn't kiss her."

   "Wowwwwwww.... That's.... Shocking."

   "Thanks. But yeah... I love Sam, and I'm not doing this to her again..."


     We woke up the next day and went about our usual day. Even though I stared temptation down in the face and told it to go fuck itself, it was tormenting me. There was just something about Sara that I couldn't stay away from. I had never felt temptation this strong before. To the point where if I did anything, it would still feel right. But I couldn't do this to Sam... I had already hurt her enough in the past, she would break if I did this again. I kept texting Sam when she would text me since she was camping, I wish that I could have just talked to her all day. I knew if I was talking to her, I wouldn't do anything stupid.

   Liz and I decided that we were going to hang out again that night.

  "Hey! Why don't we invite Sara along??"

 Shit... I didn't want to say that. Why would I want Sara to come along again? I knew it was a bad idea, but it came out like word vomit, and the damage was done.

   "Okay.. Let me call her."

   Fuckin' Liz. Why can't you put your foot down? You know I'm going to do something stupid. Actually, no. I won't do anything stupid at all. Not this guy, this guy has turned over a new leaf and there's nothing you can do to stop me. I'm on the fast track to success and nothing's going to get into my way.

  We went to go pick up Sara and life slammed the brakes. Instantly those evil gremlins of temptation came out of hiding and continued to taunt me. Okay, if I leave this at innocent flirting, no damage will be done.

 We went to Soapstone with some friends and it seemed like every word that came out of Sara's mouth was magic, even her stupid laugh that she does.

     "Why don't you guys spend the night at my house?" Sara said.

     .............

    "Yeah, we can all sleep in the basement and that way you don't have to drive home late, Jess."

    ............................................................

    Fuck.
    My.
    Life.

    "Sounds like a great plan!" I said

     WAIT. WHY DID I SAY THAT? THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED TO SAY. QUICK, THINK OF SOMETHING TO GET OUT OF IT.

    "Do you have a mattress I can sleep on for my back?"

    GREAT, YOU REALLY FUCKED IT NOW. YOU JUST DUG YOUR FUCKING GRAVE.

   I could hear Liz in the background making her PFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTT noises. I knew she hated me at that moment. She knows me way too well, she is my best friend and all. She wanted to rip my head off and shit on it. A part of me wished she would have because I knew that was a lot more appealing than the shit storm that was to come...

  So we got back to Sara's house and we sneaked down into the basement. We were going to make Liz watch "Stephen King's It" because she had never seen it before and it was one of Sara and mine's favorite movies (don't you know we're like the exact same person?).

 "Which mattress do you need to sleep on?" Sara asked.

  "Um.... The softer one? I dunno."

  "Oh okay, that's the big one that me and you can sleep on."

  WOAH. WOAH. HOLD ON THERE. SAY WHAT? DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF? YOU ARE A CUNT.

  "Oh okay.... Liz, are you sure you don't wanna sleep with me instead?" I asked desperately.

  "No, I don't like soft mattresses."

   LIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. WHY?

  "Oh, okay. Well then I guess it's me and you." I responded.

  *****WARNING: If you're easily offended, stop reading until I say it's safe. If you actually stop reading this, then you're a pussy bitch.*****

   We changed into our pajamas and turned off the lights about 20 minutes or so into the movie, it was getting late. I tried making myself as tired as possible. My heart was in my ass, my stomach was in my throat, one kidney was in my foot and the other in my brain. I was a mess. I knew I wasn't going to be able to go to sleep. Sara and I got on the mattress and before I went to lay down, I texted Sam that I missed her and I loved her...

   Sara and I kept watching the movie, Liz had fallen asleep a little after we turned off the lights...

  "I'm starting to fall asleep, do you mind if I turn this off?"

   "No it's fine.." I responded.

   (Author's note: My heart is in my throat as I'm typing this.)

   We both laid down and tried to fall asleep... She was curled up on her side of the mattress and I was curled up on mine. I was wide awake. I couldn't stop tossing and turning. Butterflies were poking out of my stomach, which was still in my throat. I didn't know what to do. Do I leave a note and leave her note? Do I go and sleep in the laundry room? Maybe I should go sleep on the porch. I needed a cigarette, but it was 2 am so I couldn't sneak outside. I was stuck. I turned over to my side that was facing her and tried shutting my eyes. This is the part where I knew where I wasn't in control anymore. The train to success de-railed and landed in the river.

  I inched closer and wrapped my arm around her. She didn't mind... So I started running my hand up and down her sides... Her skin was so soft, and she had these curves that you wouldn't believe. She still didn't mind.

  At that point, all the butterflies flew away and I felt this sense of euphoria. It was intense. I felt like I was on the best percocet high, like I was a 12 year-old boy touching his first boob. I felt at peace for the first time that weekend.

  My hands continued to travel, exploring new territory they've never explored before. I still couldn't get over how soft her skin was... I still couldn't get over how she wasn't stopping me. Why wasn't she stopping me? Did she feel the way that I feel? Or was she just crazy and knew that I couldn't resist, and she would be able to have me. Whatever it was, I went with it.

  Needless to say, we didn't have sex that night, nor did we even kiss. Just some interesting exploring...

 I fell asleep with my arm around her instantly. I finally felt at peace.

 And then, I woke up...